Looking for a B(l)ond?

Daniel Craig is the next James Bond.
This announcement hit the headlines on all the newswires between news stories about insurgents in Iraq and CIA probe hearings. I bet it will also the most discussed headline. Ah, isn’t it nice how we have our priorities right?

Just in case you wonder, Craig is a little known British actor who appeared in the British gangster caper "Layer Cake." He also played alongside Paul Newman in "Road to Perdition" and was poet Ted Hughes opposite Gwyneth Paltrow's Sylvia Plath in "Sylvia."
The choice of Craig came to many as a surprise – Pierce Brosnan, who played Bond in the previous four Bond movies, was shaken to the core that he lost out.
The reason has to do with dollars and cents – James Bond is not only an icon, but also one of history's most profitable film franchises.
The 20 official Bond films have netted nearly $4 billion in global ticket sales, of which Brosnan's four films grossed around $1.5 billion, industry figures show.
Sony Pictures Entertainment and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. are the Hollywood backers of the new Bond film called "Casino Royale". They considered keeping on Brosnan because of his box office cloud.
The producer, Barbara Boccoli, has her finger firmly on the pulse of the public and visited websites devoted to all things Bond. As a result, she decided that the 21st Bond movie needs fresh blood, with the plot of Casino returning to the start of the spy's career and therefore requiring a younger actor- hence 37-year old Craig.
For the 52-year-old Brosnan, this came as a "body blow."
"I was looking forward to making it edgier and grittier, and for all of that to go down in one phone call was highly disappointing," he told the San Francisco Chronicle.
Personally, I don’t quite see how the suave Brosnan, who always struck me as a mannequin, could go “gritty”. Makes as much sense to me as Courtney Love playing the part of Margaret Thatcher.

The announcement of the next James Bond was a PR bonanza - Craig swept up the River Thames on a power launch to a news conference, escorted by Royal Marines boats. Missing the track record of previous Bond actor Roger Moore, and not blessed with the charisma of Sean Connery, Craig was launched as the “first blond Bond”. Hurray, finally a blond Ken doll! I'm sure women around the world were waiting for this...
During the photo op, Craig posed in the shadow of Tower Bridge “wearing a blue suit and red tie” as the media faithfully reported. It made him sound like the Queen on a state visit.

If the Bond producers wanted to go grittier, they should have opted for Colin Farrell. Now that’s a bloke with a personality! And they could always do a voiceover, as they did with Bond chicks in the past who couldn’t beat their Cockney accents.

And as far as Brosnan is concerned – there’s always the next generation. Pops proudly introduced Junior (who looks uncannily like his old Dad) as the next generation of Brosnan actors. Considering the history of Bond films, I am sure that Junior can have a shot at it in a decade or so. The media will have a field day announcing the son of Bond playing Bond…..and who knows, if that Paris chick is still around, he will have his own certified Bond vixen as well…..want to speculate on her character’s name?

Another one bites the dust

Renee Zellweger filed for divorce after four months of wedding bliss.
That in itself is not so strange – many a showbiz wedding lasted not even that long. (Remember marriage # 1 Ms. Spears?)
What’s is puzzling is the ground for divorce – Zellweger accuses ex-hubby-to-be of fraud.
Now what the hack is she referring to? Did he promise her eternal love? Undying devotion? That he would never ever make fun of her? Worship at her feed?
I assume it cannot be something substantial such as having children – you would expect a couple in its 30s to discuss that kind of life altering stuff before tying the knot.
May be our Renee got swept away by all the romance – playing Bridget Jones could have that effect on a lass.
Let’s face it – there are no knights in shining armor, and if there are, stay away from them.
You see, if their armor is still shining, they never did any serious dragon slaying.
Furthermore, paying so much attention to one’s suit of armor is an indication that the knight might fancy his own kind – it would explain why all those Knights of the Round Table kept rushing off together to find the Holy Grail and all that.
Only Tristan had a hot love affair with a woman – OK, it was a fatal one, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. As we all know, that Lancelot pansy never took advantage of a golden opportunity, which must have ticked off King Arthur's beautiful Queen to no end.

Our Renee should get a grip on reality and go for someone compatible.
I strongly suggest that she starts investigating high-tech moguls.
You see, dating a nerd is the ultimate clever thing to do. If you as a girl date and marry the captain of the football team, you will end up with a middle aged guy who is still living his former days of glory, has a dead-end job, suffers from back or other injuries that limit improvisations in the bedroom. If, however, you can get your hands on the class nerd, you will end up with a professor or captain of industry who has all the money in the world to spend on you and who (due to being a bookworm) knows a thing or two about showing a girl a good time.
Nerds also have the tendency to age really well: just look at Steven Spielberg who is getting more attractive per year.
The same logic applies to guys by the way – if they are foolish enough to marry the high school pinup, they have to feed her obsession with her fading looks by forking out their hard-earned cash for her face lifts, tummy tugs, hair extensions, fingernails, cosmetics and designer clothes. If they would have angled themselves the class nerd girl, they would have had an independent career woman as their spouse, who pays her own bills with her 6-figure+ income from corporate law, high-tech, medicine or research. On top if it, she is smart enough to mould herself into the lover hubby wants – both looks and behavior wise…
You get the point now, don't you?

But may be Zellweger did just that and it’s all a very clever publicity stunt from our favorite nerdy actress. Who knows?
Time, ex-hubby, friends, the tabloids and her next love interest for sure will tell….

Goodbye to Berlin?

In general, German elections are as exciting as listening to a Wagner opera without music.
This year however, the German politics turned out to be highly entertaining, not in the least due to the cast of colorful characters.

First, we have Joschka Fisher, whose life should be made into a Hollywood blockbuster.
Fisher is currently the eminence gris of the "realos" (the "realists" faction of the Green Party) and served until the elections as the high-profile foreign minister who faced down the pacifists in his own party and sent German airmen to war in Kosovo. Go figure.
He started his career as a high school drop out, eloping to Gretna Green in Scotland to marry his first wife, who was then a minor. Back in Frankfurt, a centre of revolutionary and left wing causes in the 60s and 70s, he took casual jobs, including that of taxi-driver. He opposed the Vietnam war, and mixed with the likes of "Danny the Red" - the radical student leader Daniel Cohn-Bendit - as well as figures such as Hans-Joachim Klein, a suspected kidnapper and murderer who is now standing trial for his part in the 1975 attack on an OPEC oil ministers meeting in which three people died. In 2001, he was forced to apologize for his past as a left-wing militant when a series of pictures were published showing him as a bearded young demonstrator attacking a policeman in the street.

The second male lead is Chancellor Gerhard Schröder, who has been the leader of the Social Democrats (SPD) for decades and served as Chancellor for the last seven years. A charismatic speaker, he is also vain (he challenged a journalist who wrote that he colors his hair) and tends to be arrogant. He fought a brilliant campaign with wife #4 glued to his side. Although a socialist, he is credited succeeded in making the rich in German megarich.

The third main character is Angela Merkel, the leader of the Christian Democrat Party (CDU). She is a lackluster figure – try to picture a chubby Martha Stewart without charm, makeup, polish and energy. Funny enough, she used “Angie” of the Rolling Stones as her theme music. According to the German press, the Stones weren’t too happy about that, especially since they were touring Europe at that time. Born and raised in the former DDR (communist East Germany), she is conservative, pro-Iraq war and wants to be close to the USA.

After lots of campaigning, the poles showed that Merkel had the lead.
What happened then is every politician’s nightmare: Merkel won with a minimal margin.
As a result, Merkel claimed a huge victory and Schröder proclaimed himself the obvious choice for Chancellor.

What really happened is a country telling its politicians “we don’t know who to elect.”
Since none of the parties has a clear majority, they have to form a coalition. Let the courting start.
There are currently three scenarios:

1. A coalition of Angela’s CDU (black), Fisher’s Green Party, and the Liberal Party (yellow). Due to the color combination, they are dubbed the “Jamaica Connection,” which is in my opinion is ground enough for Jamaica to start a major lawsuit and file a complaint at the United Nations.
   The parties were even able to enlist a reggae band that sang in German (may be Fisher wants to give us the feeling that the 60s were really good?)
   
2. A coalition of Schröder’s Socialist Party with Fisher’s Green party and the Liberals.
   Not be outdone in cuteness, they dubbed themselves the “Traffic Light” connection.
   Does Schröder know how many people run a red light? Just a thought…
   
3. The Grand Coalition in which Angie’s & Gerry’s parties rule together. This one will be short-lived but fun. Fur will fly when the two of them will lock horns on who’s going to be Chancellor. If I were a betting person, I would put my money on Schröder. Some poor soul even suggested that they should rule together. Yeah, sure, remember what happened to the triumvirate in Rome and to Cleopatra’s brother/co-ruler? Exactly!
   
   
   In the coming week, the farce will continue…and then they say that Germans have no sense of humor! So stay tuned to find out who will say goodbye to Berlin....
   
   
   
   

A miffed terrorist – life is stranger than fiction

Steven Spielberg is currently shooting the movie “Munich” about the 1972 Munich Olympics attack, in which 11 Israeli athletes died.
“Munich” is a thriller chronicling not only the massacre but also the Israeli revenge assassinations that followed.
The source of the movie is contraversial – it is (at least partly) based on “Vengeance”, a book that has been widely criticized.
“I am surprised that a director like Spielberg has chosen, out of all the sources, to rely on this particular book,” retired Mossad chief Zvi Zamir told the Israeli newspaper Haaretz in July 2005.
The ex-spook is not the only one that read “Vengence”.
“I read it,” announced Mohammad Daoud, “It’s full of mistakes.”
Mr. Daoud is the mastermind of “Black September” , a Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) splinter group. He is the one that sent terrorists to abduct Israeli athletes at the 1972 Games. Two hostages were killed in the raid, and another nine during the botched rescue by German police. Reeling from the loss of its countrymen - particularly on what had been the staging ground for the Holocaust - Israel retaliated with shootings, booby-trap bombings and commando operations that killed at least 10 PLO men and drove their comrades into hiding.
The weird thing is, that this Palestinian terrorist is miffed – big time.
“I know nothing about this film,” Daoud told Reuters by telephone from an undisclosed location in the Middle East.
“If someone really wanted to tell the truth about what happened, he should talk to the people involved, people who know the truth. Were I contacted, I would tell the truth.”
Yeah, sure, and I am a supermodel.

Truth from the mouths of terrorists?! Just is case you wonder, according to Daoud, it’s not the PLO which is to blame for the deaths, but Israel and West Germany.
Our innocent lamb survived a 1981 gun attack in Poland which the PLO blamed on the Mossad. But then, the Mossad has been blamed for a lot, including the death of Princess Diana.

Spielberg, not wanting to shake the money tree, has vowed that “Munich” will be sensitive to all sides.
I don’t know about you, but I cannot wait not to see this movie!

About Bush's Katrina Failure

"It's totally wiped out. ... It's devastating, it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground."
George W. Bush, to his aides while surveying Hurricane Katrina flood damage from Air Force One, Aug. 31, 2005.

As we all now, the way the Prez handled the devastating impact of Katrina will not cut it as a case study of topnotch crisis management.
As always when a vacuum appears, people try to fill it.
Hence the unlikely tandem Bush Sr. – Clinton touring the disaster area with their spouses as if they were on a political campaign, hugging people and being all touchy-feely.
In my humble opinion: they were - Bush the Elder promoting favorite filius Jeb and Clinty supporting “she-who-must-be-obeyed” aka Senator Hillary Clinton the first female president hopeful.
Might work as well – Jeb asked and received millions from Big Bros for rebuilding the Katrina damage in Florida. Jeb baby explained on TV in fluent English and Spanish how he is spending all those dineros on human aid. The governor of Louisiana and the mayor of New Orleans were not that lucky.
Pops Bush happily stabbed his son in the back by stating: “as a son, he could have done better, but as a president, it comes with the territory”. This kind of loyalty was last seen among the Borgias.

Thus, after the failure of governmental planning, rescue & aid, the only Superpower in the world turned to private organizations, individuals, and political allies for help.
The Red Cross rose to the occasion, as did many individuals.
Sean Penn flew to New Orleans, pulled up his sleeves, and started working waist-high in polluted water. Other celebrities donated $1M each and John Travolta put his pilot license and plane to good use as well. Even that Paris chick donated $ 200,000. Well not exactly – Her Heiress is auctioning herself off for a $ 200,000 date. No charity with some personal gain! May be she picked that pointer up from her Greek on/off fiance, providing he enjoyed a classical education. (I am referring to the famous Aeneid quote:"timeo Danaos et dona ferentis" (translation: "I mistrust the Greeks even when they are bringing gifts").
Allies such as Israel sent planes full of tents and medication. (Not that there are no tent makers and pharmaceutical companies in the US itself, mind you, but they charge!)

In short, it's enough to make you cry – which is exactly what Celine Dion did on Larry King Live. For all those evacuees and victims of Katrina who were not rich or lucky enough to get out of New Orleans in time, all they can do is finding the courage and energy to rebuild their lives in a city that was once bustling with trade, history, culture and music.

Another bachelor bites the dust

For those of you who are fed up with news about the disengagement and are looking for some glamour and romance, here’s your chance.
New York businessman Ari Goldman (34) stars in the reality show “of all the girls in the world”.
It’s a variation on the bachelor/bachelorette theme.
Goldman, who lives in Manhattan, where he runs a "highly successful" vintage comics enterprise, meets 17 Jewish Cinderellas aged 21-34 in Israel. None of the girls (save one) has ever been married.
(I am not sure if Goldman is desperate, or just wants to improve his business.
If the latter is the case, I applaud him – free worldwide marketing & PR is something normally only A-list actors enjoy).
There is one exception: a divorcee with two children. (My bet, she will be eliminated in one of the first episodes).
The young women come from diverse backgrounds, and were born in Estonia, Bulgaria, Canada, the US, Ethiopia and Israel. All (but one) have at least a BA. (No idea why that is relevant, but who am I?). The exception is an officer in the Israeli army. (She will be eliminated after the divorcee, mark my words).
According to the producer, they are “the type of girl that any Jewish mother would want for her son”. (Sure, every mother- in- law just loves her son marrying a woman who made a fool of herself on international TV for a worldwide audience).
Goldman doesn't speak Hebrew, so a large part of the program will be in English. That doesn't necessarily mean that the 17 young ladies speak English well.
(This could be a blessing in disguise - it's better that you don't understand questions like "how much do you make" and "are you willing to transfer all your wordly possession to me".
Also note that Britney did marry a guy who speaks English fluently, and see how long that marriage lasted!).
“We didn't pick them for their fluency in English; love is an international language”, commented the producer, adding that language and culture obstacles will add spice to the show.
(I wonder if the producer is a) married himself and if so b) what language his wife speaks).
Religion-wise: Goldman travels on Shabbat, but has his Friday night dinner with his family. He eats only kosher, dons a kippa when he sits down to eat and studies with a rabbi every two weeks. (We can safely assume that his bride-to-be will be whisked away to NYC; which is for sure a huge incentive for the girls to participate in this show).
Some of the young women he meets are fully Sabbath observant, some just eat kosher but don't observe the Sabbath, and others are barely observant at all. (Normally, this is already a breaking point in any Jewish date, so good luck to all of them).
No show without a twist, so here it comes: there is an 18th contestant watching all the episodes except the last from the comfort of her living room. She can enter the race if she considers herself superior. (Of course she will – but isn’t that unfair towards our poor bachelor, who never even saw the wench?)
Towards the end, Goldman will take the four women who appeal to him most back to New York, where family and friends will help him narrow the choice to one.
The end rewards? A $ 200,000 engagement ring, a car, and a rent-free apartment for one year. The catch? He has to settle in Israel (Talking about pressure!).
I am not the only one being cynical about this all - Goldman's own mother doesn't think the show will bring her a daughter-in-law.
What I still don’t get: New York is full of intelligent, gorgeous single women, so what is Goldman’s problem? Especially NYC is the ultimate ethnic melting pot, so why shop abroad when you can do it right on your doorstep?
It’s not like Goldman is a dog – the producer describes him a “a rugged, charismatic character with instant click” (I assume that it translates as : he is good looking and charming).
Furthermore, he wants someone who will be happy to share his lifestyle, not a homebody who slaves away in the kitchen. (His words, not mine).
Will it work? Yes and now. The chances that he will find a bride that he can whisk away to Manhattan are as high as winning the lottery. Will we be entertained? For sure - there will be enough embarrassing moments edited in to entertain us all. Let’s face it, love makes fool of us all, and it’s so much more fun when it happens to someone you don’t know personally, but just dislike, and see her making a fool of herself in front of millions of people.....

What’s in a name?

“From now on, you can refer to me as Diddy” announced the multi-carat-earrings-wearing artist with aplomb. In a time when the media were full of the Israeli disengagement from the Gaza strip, the hip hop artist felt the compelling need to address us mere mortals and solve the riddle of his many identities. It seems that the pee was standing between him and his fans…and he also started to get confused when answering the phone. Answering the phone? Doesn’t he have a whole staff to do that for him?!
Needless to say, I was so relieved to find out what to call him. It was one of my main concerns, you understand –how, oh how to address him if there ever the need arises…I still think that addressing the man with his legal name (Mr. Combs) has a nice ring to it. Since his empire bears the name “Bad Boy”, he could have used that one at well…but don’t shorten it to BB. That would upset the French and we don’t want to do that, or do we?
So Diddy is announcing this Major News just before the MTV awards…slacking sales figures? Or is Diddy following in Prince’s footsteps and will he also evolve into a Symbol? I would like to warn against it – just check out the record sales of before-and-after “the artist formally known as Prince” and you will get my point.

Not being outdone, another pop-person-with-a-single name (Madonna for the few of you who missed this morsel of media frenzy) fell of her horse and thus made global headlines. I broke a few bones in my time and know how painful it is, so I do sympathize, but does it justify this kind of media exposure? Have we run out of murder & mayhem?
I think I know the reason: August is always slow news wise. So if you are compelled to become notorious, make you move then. If you don’t believe me, just check when the Clinton scandal hit the headlines…

So who will be next? Cher with blotched beauty operation? Sting saving another tree or two? Bono flying his sunglasses around the world in a private jet?
Oh, the suspense!