Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Another one bites the dust

Renee Zellweger filed for divorce after four months of wedding bliss.
That in itself is not so strange – many a showbiz wedding lasted not even that long. (Remember marriage # 1 Ms. Spears?)
What’s is puzzling is the ground for divorce – Zellweger accuses ex-hubby-to-be of fraud.
Now what the hack is she referring to? Did he promise her eternal love? Undying devotion? That he would never ever make fun of her? Worship at her feed?
I assume it cannot be something substantial such as having children – you would expect a couple in its 30s to discuss that kind of life altering stuff before tying the knot.
May be our Renee got swept away by all the romance – playing Bridget Jones could have that effect on a lass.
Let’s face it – there are no knights in shining armor, and if there are, stay away from them.
You see, if their armor is still shining, they never did any serious dragon slaying.
Furthermore, paying so much attention to one’s suit of armor is an indication that the knight might fancy his own kind – it would explain why all those Knights of the Round Table kept rushing off together to find the Holy Grail and all that.
Only Tristan had a hot love affair with a woman – OK, it was a fatal one, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. As we all know, that Lancelot pansy never took advantage of a golden opportunity, which must have ticked off King Arthur's beautiful Queen to no end.

Our Renee should get a grip on reality and go for someone compatible.
I strongly suggest that she starts investigating high-tech moguls.
You see, dating a nerd is the ultimate clever thing to do. If you as a girl date and marry the captain of the football team, you will end up with a middle aged guy who is still living his former days of glory, has a dead-end job, suffers from back or other injuries that limit improvisations in the bedroom. If, however, you can get your hands on the class nerd, you will end up with a professor or captain of industry who has all the money in the world to spend on you and who (due to being a bookworm) knows a thing or two about showing a girl a good time.
Nerds also have the tendency to age really well: just look at Steven Spielberg who is getting more attractive per year.
The same logic applies to guys by the way – if they are foolish enough to marry the high school pinup, they have to feed her obsession with her fading looks by forking out their hard-earned cash for her face lifts, tummy tugs, hair extensions, fingernails, cosmetics and designer clothes. If they would have angled themselves the class nerd girl, they would have had an independent career woman as their spouse, who pays her own bills with her 6-figure+ income from corporate law, high-tech, medicine or research. On top if it, she is smart enough to mould herself into the lover hubby wants – both looks and behavior wise…
You get the point now, don't you?

But may be Zellweger did just that and it’s all a very clever publicity stunt from our favorite nerdy actress. Who knows?
Time, ex-hubby, friends, the tabloids and her next love interest for sure will tell….

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Goodbye to Berlin?

In general, German elections are as exciting as listening to a Wagner opera without music.
This year however, the German politics turned out to be highly entertaining, not in the least due to the cast of colorful characters.

First, we have Joschka Fisher, whose life should be made into a Hollywood blockbuster.
Fisher is currently the eminence gris of the "realos" (the "realists" faction of the Green Party) and served until the elections as the high-profile foreign minister who faced down the pacifists in his own party and sent German airmen to war in Kosovo. Go figure.
He started his career as a high school drop out, eloping to Gretna Green in Scotland to marry his first wife, who was then a minor. Back in Frankfurt, a centre of revolutionary and left wing causes in the 60s and 70s, he took casual jobs, including that of taxi-driver. He opposed the Vietnam war, and mixed with the likes of "Danny the Red" - the radical student leader Daniel Cohn-Bendit - as well as figures such as Hans-Joachim Klein, a suspected kidnapper and murderer who is now standing trial for his part in the 1975 attack on an OPEC oil ministers meeting in which three people died. In 2001, he was forced to apologize for his past as a left-wing militant when a series of pictures were published showing him as a bearded young demonstrator attacking a policeman in the street.

The second male lead is Chancellor Gerhard Schröder, who has been the leader of the Social Democrats (SPD) for decades and served as Chancellor for the last seven years. A charismatic speaker, he is also vain (he challenged a journalist who wrote that he colors his hair) and tends to be arrogant. He fought a brilliant campaign with wife #4 glued to his side. Although a socialist, he is credited succeeded in making the rich in German megarich.

The third main character is Angela Merkel, the leader of the Christian Democrat Party (CDU). She is a lackluster figure – try to picture a chubby Martha Stewart without charm, makeup, polish and energy. Funny enough, she used “Angie” of the Rolling Stones as her theme music. According to the German press, the Stones weren’t too happy about that, especially since they were touring Europe at that time. Born and raised in the former DDR (communist East Germany), she is conservative, pro-Iraq war and wants to be close to the USA.

After lots of campaigning, the poles showed that Merkel had the lead.
What happened then is every politician’s nightmare: Merkel won with a minimal margin.
As a result, Merkel claimed a huge victory and Schröder proclaimed himself the obvious choice for Chancellor.

What really happened is a country telling its politicians “we don’t know who to elect.”
Since none of the parties has a clear majority, they have to form a coalition. Let the courting start.
There are currently three scenarios:
  1. A coalition of Angela’s CDU (black), Fisher’s Green Party, and the Liberal Party (yellow). Due to the color combination, they are dubbed the “Jamaica Connection,” which is in my opinion is ground enough for Jamaica to start a major lawsuit and file a complaint at the United Nations.
    The parties were even able to enlist a reggae band that sang in German (may be Fisher wants to give us the feeling that the 60s were really good?)
  2. A coalition of Schröder’s Socialist Party with Fisher’s Green party and the Liberals.
    Not be outdone in cuteness, they dubbed themselves the “Traffic Light” connection.
    Does Schröder know how many people run a red light? Just a thought…
  3. The Grand Coalition in which Angie’s & Gerry’s parties rule together. This one will be short-lived but fun. Fur will fly when the two of them will lock horns on who’s going to be Chancellor. If I were a betting person, I would put my money on Schröder. Some poor soul even suggested that they should rule together. Yeah, sure, remember what happened to the triumvirate in Rome and to Cleopatra’s brother/co-ruler? Exactly!

    In the coming week, the farce will continue…and then they say that Germans have no sense of humor! So stay tuned to find out who will say goodbye to Berlin....

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

A miffed terrorist – life is stranger than fiction

Steven Spielberg is currently shooting the movie “Munich” about the 1972 Munich Olympics attack, in which 11 Israeli athletes died.
“Munich” is a thriller chronicling not only the massacre but also the Israeli revenge assassinations that followed.
The source of the movie is contraversial – it is (at least partly) based on “Vengeance”, a book that has been widely criticized.
“I am surprised that a director like Spielberg has chosen, out of all the sources, to rely on this particular book,” retired Mossad chief Zvi Zamir told the Israeli newspaper Haaretz in July 2005.
The ex-spook is not the only one that read “Vengence”.
“I read it,” announced Mohammad Daoud, “It’s full of mistakes.”
Mr. Daoud is the mastermind of “Black September” , a Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) splinter group. He is the one that sent terrorists to abduct Israeli athletes at the 1972 Games. Two hostages were killed in the raid, and another nine during the botched rescue by German police. Reeling from the loss of its countrymen - particularly on what had been the staging ground for the Holocaust - Israel retaliated with shootings, booby-trap bombings and commando operations that killed at least 10 PLO men and drove their comrades into hiding.
The weird thing is, that this Palestinian terrorist is miffed – big time.
“I know nothing about this film,” Daoud told Reuters by telephone from an undisclosed location in the Middle East.
“If someone really wanted to tell the truth about what happened, he should talk to the people involved, people who know the truth. Were I contacted, I would tell the truth.”
Yeah, sure, and I am a supermodel.

Truth from the mouths of terrorists?! Just is case you wonder, according to Daoud, it’s not the PLO which is to blame for the deaths, but Israel and West Germany.
Our innocent lamb survived a 1981 gun attack in Poland which the PLO blamed on the Mossad. But then, the Mossad has been blamed for a lot, including the death of Princess Diana.

Spielberg, not wanting to shake the money tree, has vowed that “Munich” will be sensitive to all sides.
I don’t know about you, but I cannot wait not to see this movie!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

About Bush's Katrina Failure

"It's totally wiped out. ... It's devastating, it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground."
George W. Bush, to his aides while surveying Hurricane Katrina flood damage from Air Force One, Aug. 31, 2005.

As we all now, the way the Prez handled the devastating impact of Katrina will not cut it as a case study of topnotch crisis management.
As always when a vacuum appears, people try to fill it.
Hence the unlikely tandem Bush Sr. – Clinton touring the disaster area with their spouses as if they were on a political campaign, hugging people and being all touchy-feely.
In my humble opinion: they were - Bush the Elder promoting favorite filius Jeb and Clinty supporting “she-who-must-be-obeyed” aka Senator Hillary Clinton the first female president hopeful.
Might work as well – Jeb asked and received millions from Big Bros for rebuilding the Katrina damage in Florida. Jeb baby explained on TV in fluent English and Spanish how he is spending all those dineros on human aid. The governor of Louisiana and the mayor of New Orleans were not that lucky.
Pops Bush happily stabbed his son in the back by stating: “as a son, he could have done better, but as a president, it comes with the territory”. This kind of loyalty was last seen among the Borgias.

Thus, after the failure of governmental planning, rescue & aid, the only Superpower in the world turned to private organizations, individuals, and political allies for help.
The Red Cross rose to the occasion, as did many individuals.
Sean Penn flew to New Orleans, pulled up his sleeves, and started working waist-high in polluted water. Other celebrities donated $1M each and John Travolta put his pilot license and plane to good use as well. Even that Paris chick donated $ 200,000. Well not exactly – Her Heiress is auctioning herself off for a $ 200,000 date. No charity with some personal gain! May be she picked that pointer up from her Greek on/off fiance, providing he enjoyed a classical education. (I am referring to the famous Aeneid quote:"timeo Danaos et dona ferentis" (translation: "I mistrust the Greeks even when they are bringing gifts").
Allies such as Israel sent planes full of tents and medication. (Not that there are no tent makers and pharmaceutical companies in the US itself, mind you, but they charge!)

In short, it's enough to make you cry – which is exactly what Celine Dion did on Larry King Live. For all those evacuees and victims of Katrina who were not rich or lucky enough to get out of New Orleans in time, all they can do is finding the courage and energy to rebuild their lives in a city that was once bustling with trade, history, culture and music.