Friday, December 02, 2011

Chuck Lorre’s Whisper Channel

One of the most gifted comedy writers (an producers) is for sure Chuck Lorre. He is the brains behind The Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, Mike & Molly, Dharma & Greg, Cybill, and Grace Under Fire. At the end of each episode, a vanity card appears. Each one is a treat in itself. One of my favorites is #249:

More and more, it seems like people are yelling at me. This is especially noticeable on local and cable news, TV and radio ads, morning, afternoon and late night talk shows, religious channels, entertainment tabloid shows, and, NPR aside, radio. It's almost as if all the news anchors, reporters, product pitchmen, talk show hosts, politicians, sportscasters, DJ's and preachers have forgotten how good modern microphones are.

Regardless, the purpose of vanity cards is not just to point out the problem; it's also to propose the solution. And here's one: The Whisper Channel - a cable news channel where everyone, including advertisers, speaks in gentle, dulcet tones. Our marketing tagline will be one word, "shhh."

Instead of grinning, shouting, overly-coiffed failed actors, our news anchors will be regular folks with beautiful speaking voices who, just to be on the safe side, have been heavily sedated.

Just think of it. You've had a brutal day at work. Traffic on the way home was a righteous bitch. You crawl into your home which is worth far less than you paid for it, and, because you want to stay informed, you turn on The Whisper Channel where a pleasant-looking woman with real hair, real nose, real wrinkles, real breasts and teeth the color of teeth, soothingly tells you about the latest terrorist attack, stock market fiasco, school shooting and, just to keep it interesting, emergency recall of the anti-anxiety meds you've been taking because they might cause impotence, blindness and insanity. But because of the way she says it, you are hunky dory.


the whisper channel...
where human civilization sliding into the abyss
is nothing to shout about

Isn’t it brilliant? Just in case the idea will take off: I offer my services!