The "Drunk Text" video clip features photoshopped Hilton parroting sentences such as: "I went out to the club the other night, to you know, dance with my b---s."
(really, PH went out to a club? Hold the presses!)
From this one on, the lyrics continue to become even more absurd.
"It was just a drunk text, in my head I was writing a fiction of us," she continues. "Behind my eyes I was begging for things that my lips would never ask. My mouth kept pouring desperate calls with random intent. He asked me if he could text me later. And I say, 'Sure.'
(So a guy tried to chat her up and she was too drunk/stoned/stupid/whatever to give a reply)
"I'm too lazy to type, so I sent a photo I took up a dancer's skirt and I tell him to come and get it."
(Did she send the KK Twitter image?)
"I'm sorry, it was just a drunk text," sings the chorus.
(Collective shudder of all Greek choruses around the world)
"Take the word sex and mix it with texting/ it's called sexting," she says. "When you add drunk sexting, the words just don't make any sense/ It's a hot mess of misspelled obscenities, body parts, and run-on questions."
(Just mix dreck with texting and you get drexting, which is what she has been doing most of her life)
"No one is safe in the Twittersphere anymore," she goes on.
(But where would she be without Twitter?)
“I'll be damned if I end up in some late diner after this with last night's lingerie in my purse".
(The good news is that she wears knickers – at least once in a while!)
"She's like, 'this guy wants you to wet your lips with this bottle.'"
(I hope the writer of this gem was paid very, very well!)
"Are you f***ing kidding me?"
(Yeah, are you kidding us with your stupid "song"?!)