89-year old man returns library book after 76 years

Mark McKee kept his favorite library book for 76 years. before he finally plucked up the courage to send it back to the library. He also sent a letter along with it, in which he wrote: “My conscience took over. I was entranced by the book and kept it with my prized possessions, intending to return it forthwith.”

Mr. McKee borrowed “A Dog of Flanders” written by English author Marie Louise de la Ramee, when he was 13 years old from the public library in Mount Clemens, MI. When he sent back the book, he was convinced that he owed the library thousands of dollars in fines.

But the library director, Donald Worrell Jr., not only waived the late fee, but also sent Mr. McKee a new copy of the book stating “we figure the story is better than the money”.
This is certainly true – the story went viral after being picked up by the local media, giving the library a nice PR boost.

In case you wonder what captivated young master McKee for so many years, read on.

The story of “A Dog of Flanders” takes place in 19th century Belgium. Orphan Nello went to live with his grandfather in a small village near the city of Antwerp. One day, the boy found a dog (Patrasche) that was almost beaten to death. The two became close friends. Nello helped his grandfather selling milk with Patrasche shackled to a dogcart to get the milk into town each morning. Nello fell in love with Aloise, the daughter of a well-off man in the village. Nello entered a junior drawing contest in Antwerp in order to win first prize (200 francs annually). He lost and then his grandfather passed away. After being accused of arson, Nello went to the cathedral of Antwerp to see Rubens' The Elevation of the Cross, but he could not pay the entrance fee. On the night of Christmas Eve, he and Patrasche found the cathedral open and went in. The next morning, the boy and his dog are found frozen to death in front of the triptych.

Mommy 2.0 explained – beauty is only scalpel-deep

Beauty seems to be scalpel-deep. And when you are a plastic surgeon looking for more clients, what do you do? Advertising? Handing out flyers in the Mall? Mailing campaigns? Mmmm, high cost, low impact. Wait, Mother’s Day is around the corner, so why not try to target those young mothers?
With the right kind of promotion, droves of them could be heading for the surgery – demanding lifts, tucks, and anything else the clinic offers.
And what better angle than doing that via their beloved offspring?

Hence the birth of “My Beautiful Mommy”, a book written by Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a board-certified plastic surgeon in Bal Harbour, Fla.
(I wonder if our enterprising MD will pen a sequel “My Dashing Daddy” to attract male patients.)
Our enterprising medicus claims that his liber is the first book that explains plastic surgery to kids, an issue he says many of his patients are struggling with. Funny, I would expect them struggling to pay our dear doctor’s bill.

Just to avoid any misunderstanding, the book relates to Mommy’s beauty operation, and not to reconstructive surgery due to accidents or cancer (which IMHO would make a hell of a lot more sense!)

The book is a self-publishing or vanity press one. For those of you who are not familiar with the concept: you pay for it yourself, including printing, and hope to get your costs covered and some profit from sales. No agent or publisher is involved. Since bookshops don’t carry self-publishing books, you will not find “My beautiful Mommy” in any Borders or WHSmith near you.
(According to my calculation, our medical author paid less than $ 4,000 to get started with 50 copies for sale – cheaper than a lot of marketing and PR campaigns).

Each book must have a hero – in this case Dr. Michael, who looks like a pumped-up superhero. In real life, our dear doctor looks far less glamorous as can be seen here.

The storyline is as follows: mommy gets a “mommy makeover” + nose job.
She justifies this to her little girl with “You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better." She assures the apple of her eye that her nose will appear "different, my dear—prettier!"
(After hearing this, I am sure that the little one immediately scurried to a mirror to check out her own honker).

The book is aimed at kids ages 4 to 7. It’s funny that the kid portrayed is a girl – are sons less traumatized? Or did they already talk to Daddy who explained that Mommy must look really good; otherwise Daddy will move in with his g-f?
Or maybe little boys don’t pay that much attention to their mother’s appearance anyway – as the blogger shayknows remarked on SheKnows Daily Dish: “I could show up with a third breast and I don’t think my kids would even notice”.

When explaining your upcoming upgrade to Mommy 2.0, please take the time to:

• Point out that the sacking breasts and floppy belly are the kid’s fault to begin with.
  Before getting pregnant, Mommy looked like Jennifer Aniston, now she looks like Brigitte Bardot.
  
• Make sure that your child still recognizes you after surgery.
  Don’t forget, you cannot solely depend on your 401(k) plan, so it’s wise to stay on the good side of Junior who will take care of you in your golden years. I am sure Bill Gates’ mother agrees.
  
• Explain that your child’s old, fat and tired Mommy will be transformed into Daddy’s glamorous PA, but still will nag you to do chores and homework.
  
• Make a before/after chart that explains Mommy’s new facial expressions.
  Yes, Mommy is surprised/upset; you just cannot see that due to Mommy’s Botox face (show image of your frozen face).
  
• No, Dr. Michael didn’t hit Mommy on the mouth, Daddy likes kissing bee-stung lips (and maybe Dr. Michael does too between pushups in the gym).
  
• No, you cannot hug Mommy really close anymore – her new breasts are in the way.
  
• Make sure to point out that they too, can get rid of their Windsor Flapper ears or Habsburg chin, just look at New Mommy!

After reading Dr. S tantalizing tale, your little darling has now learned the true values in life.
To prepare her for her own future stint with Dr. Salzhauer (his wife is pregnant with child #5, so quite likely one of his heirs will follow in Daddy’s footsteps), make sure she gets practice.
The best source is the online fashion show Miss Bimbo where she can buy plastic surgery for her own virtual characters.
Trust me; it’s a great way to shape her to be one of the coolest hotties around. Let’s face it – who needs a Nobel Prize winner as a child?