Monday, December 19, 2005

Holiday Cheer

Going on a holiday break to get away from the cold is always a good idea.
So I decided to check some (sub) tropical destinations, that would still fit my budget.

I came across the following offering:

Winter Travel Special
4 Day / 3 Night resort packages starting from $429*
Package Includes:
AccommodationsRound-trip ground transfers on island
A six-story water slide through shark-filled waters
An archaeological dig into a lost civilization
A casino of mythical proportions

And the largest open-air marine habitat in the world, second only to Mother Nature

I am a cynical, frugal and experienced traveler, so I analyzed this great offering for all of you. Read, weep (with laughter) and learn, mes enfants.

  1. The resort package starts from $ 429, but doesn’t include traveling to the resort.
    Meals are not included, and I bet that any drink (being it a simple soft drink or one of those fancy umbrella/flower-decorated thingies) will cost you mucho extra.
    If you want to budget it – I strongly advise you to double the price.
    It will easily cost you $900 -and please don’t forget your insurance!
  2. Accommodations is a nice term – but rather vague, non?
    Does it include a nice bedroom with a view, airco, cleaning and fresh towels everyday, or am I (and my b-f) supposed to rough it out on a floor mat lulled to a slumber by the sound of buzzing insects?
  3. Round-trip ground transfers on island. Oh, oh - it sounds like this resort is in the middle of nowhere! Which means that I have to schlep my jetlagged body for who knows how long to my destination.
    With a bit of luck, I will be jostled around in a rickety rack bus…with open windows instead of air-conditioning….
  4. A six-story water slide through shark-filled waters. O great! Just what I need – being propelled down a chute higher than my 4th floor apartment and then being catapulted into waters as lunch for sharks. Hello – I am not only a lawyer, I also work in high-tech.
    The aim of the vacation exercise is to get away from the sharks, not swimming with them!
  5. An archeological dig into a lost civilization.
    Let me get this straight – if the civilization is lost, how can I visit the dig?
    Is it Atlantis that I will have a look at?
    Or are they going to treat me to a view of an empty pit? Oh, the suspense!
  6. A casino of mythical proportions.
    OK, I had a nice classic education, so I know for a fact that mythical is non-existent (as in the Minotaur, the Greek gods and bug-free software)
    If you don’t believe me, check out the definition of myth:
    A fiction or half-truth, especially one that forms part of an ideology.”
    You see my point?
    The ideology of a casino is the make as much money out of gamblers as possible.
    In this case, size really matters. Just travel to Las Vegas and walk around in the casinos on the Strip. The one who wrote this piece of PR was probably looking at the word “gigantic” and decided that there should be a superlative to that word.
    Since giants are definitely mythical beings, I think that the poor person got confused, which makes sense in a casino the size of a mausoleum.
  7. Obviously still suffering from weakness of the brain, the last sentence compares the resort (or may be the island or the whole archipelago?) to the largest open-air marine habitat in the world, second only to Mother Nature.
    So they compare their shark-infested waters with the personification of nature as a powerful and nurturing woman.
    Mmmm, might be me, but somehow that metaphor was lost in translation.
    May be the writer had a few of those umbrella/flower decorated drinks while schlepping to his desk through the “mythical proportioned” premises?

Needless to say, I will do a little bit more web surfing before I consider this deal……

No comments: