The Case of the Stupid Spamming Scam

Today I received this email. I inserted my comments in italics and brackets. I left all the grammar, spelling and style mistakes as they were....

Attn: Sir/madam:

I’M Diplomat: Jonathan Conahan (which embassy, country? Utopia or The Glorious Republic of Hackistan?),I have been trying to reach you on your telephone (You know my telephone number, but still do not address me by name in your email? Really?!) about an hour (funny, didn’t hear anything, must have my ears checked) now just to inform you about my successful arrival in London Heathrow Airport (Do I care? NO!), am now in Heathrow International Airport (good luck with the outrageous prices for coffee and mineral water there!) with your consignment boxes worth ($1.700.000.00) ONE MILLION SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSEND DOLLARS (What consignment boxes? The only box I own |(sort of) is a cat litter box!) which I has been instructed by our companying EMS DELIVERY SERVICE to delivered the consignment box to your receiving address (good luck with that – I am not located in the UK! But please contact 12 Downing Street).

The Airport authority demanded for all the legal back up document (you know I am a lawyer, right?) to prove to them that the fund is no way related with drug nor fraud money (what about terrorist funding?) , I presented the entire documents to them and they are very much pleased (really? You think they care?) with the document which I presented, but the only thing that is still keeping me here is the airport Yellow Tags which is not placed on the consignment box (so you are a stupid person; why didn’t you send it by diplomatic mail?), one of the Airport Authority has advise that I should get the Yellow Tags, to enable me exit in the airport and to make my delivery successful to your receiving address (Dear BAA, just throw his sorry ass in jail, thanks).

I try to reason with them and they stated that the Yellow Tags will cost us just $ 127 Dollars (small money for a diplomat!) only to get the Yellow Tags placed on the box, as that Yellow Tags will enable me get to your house successfully (NO, don’t come to my house!) without any interference, they scanned the box and found out that the fund is 100% spend able and accepted by any bank in the whole world (since when can they scan money for that?!) . Please try and reach me with my Telephone number +447045726759 (fat chance!). As I can not afford to spend more time here due to other delivery I have to take care in other countries (just relax, have a coffee...while dodging bullets), am with the entire document that backup your funds together with my id card (please post that one online) which I will accompany you to your bank where you will deposit your fund successfully with those document (do I look that stupid?).

I has more vital document with me but I will only present to you the hard copy when I reach your receiving place (what the f?) , as this is the diplomatic rules, such as authorization to deliver. You can direct the Yellow Tags fee to our Head Office (not your embassy?) as they are entitled to receive and make any payment to foreign countries authority (Libya, anyone?).

GET BACK TO OUR ONLINE EMAIL:
E-mail: diplomatic-agent@ddiplomatic-agent.tk (dear reader, please feel free to send all your offers, newsletters, etc. to this email)
And: info@ddiplomatic-agent.tk (tk stands for Tokelau, a territory of New Zealand located in the South Pacific)
Telephone number: +447045726759 (feel free to send them any sms you can think of).

NOTICE: EMS delivering service has been mandated by the ECOWAS parliament (ECOWAS = Economic Community Of West African States and has as such no parliament!) to deliver this consignment box worth of $1.7million dollars in your favor this fiscal year 2011, because of the impostors your fund has been converted to cash fund authorized and sealed by the ECOWAS parliament.

I am waiting to receive your respond to enable me update you our receiver information where you will forward the payment information of$127 us dollars (please hold your breath!) , in order to enable us obtain your Yellow Tags for immediately released of your consignment and for onward delivering to your receiving address.

BEST REGARDS EMS DIPLOMATIC
Diplomat: Jonathan Conahan.

This phisher (or pisher in Yiddish!) send previous mails claiming:

“my name is Mr. Jonathan Conahan and am a citizen of Libya”

He also sends emails stating being Mr. Jonathan Conahan
For the management of bank of Africa, Cotonou, Benin.
Tel:+229-66543123.

“Jonathan Conahan” is obviously a cover for a gang of cybercrooks, may be even cyberterrorists! Let’s hope the Feds will get hold of them....soon! Or are there Cyber SEALS that could do the job?